Decisions –
As I’ve said before, there are many big decisions to make in this process. We feel like we are very close to making a decision, but we felt that way a few days ago, and we have since changed our minds. We’ve gone back and forth several times, which is confusing and unsettling. I really believe that once we’ve made a decision and are moving forward with a plan, I will feel much more at peace. But for now, the anxiety of having to make such a huge decision in a short amount of time is tough to deal with. So please pray for doors to open or close in very obvious ways so that the path ahead will be clear. We want to get going with J’s therapy as soon as possible, but we also want to be sure we’re making the best choice. Prayers for clarity and wisdom would be great!
Unity for Chris and me –
My beautiful friend Shannon was the first person to tell me that she had been specifically praying for unity between Chris and me as we make these decisions. I remember thinking, “What a great thing to pray for!” And thankfully, so far that prayer is being answered. Chris and I have been on the same page every step of the way, and I’m only beginning to realize what a gift that is. This decision would be so much harder if my husband wanted to take a more cautious, wait-and-see approach to J’s therapy. Or if he were overly concerned about the expense involved and wanted to try less intensive therapies that didn’t cost as much. But that hasn’t been the case at all. I have agreed with every argument he makes for pursuing a certain course of action (and that’s not because I’m a naturally submissive, agreeable wife!). In fact, several days ago we had both agreed on giving the home therapy route a try for 8 weeks, thinking that after 8 weeks we could always change our minds and increase the intensity, or enroll him in the Gold Bar Center. Then the other day, I had been talking to therapists, doctors, directors, etc, and doing more research. By the end of the day I was really beginning to feel like the Gold Bar Center was the right choice. When Chris came home that evening, he said “I don’t want to stress you out, but I need to tell you that I think I’m changing my mind back to the Gold Bar Center.” I said “Me too!!” So we had both independently come to that conclusion for the same reasons. I’m really thankful that we see things eye-to-eye and that we work well together in making decisions. Please pray that we will continue to work together, that we will have unity in this decision making process, and that we will not take the stress and anxiety of this process out on each other (although I admit, I’m the one most likely to do that….). I am very thankful that Chris is the one walking beside me on this journey. There is no one else in the world that I would rather have beside me right now. Please pray that we would continue in this unity.
Money –
I really am trying not to worry about the money. I really am. But the amount of money we’re looking at for one year of therapy is roughly equivalent to the cost of college tuition. PRIVATE college tuition. We’ve been out of residency for less than 3 years, and we’re just beginning to get on our feet financially. It wouldn’t worry me so much if we were only looking at one year of expenses. But the reality is that autism is an on-going disorder. This first year will likely be our most expensive year, since we’re hoping that he will respond well to the intensive intervention and not need such aggressive therapy the following year. But that might not be the case. And even if we scale back the therapy next year, it will still be very expensive. If he ends up with this diagnosis, we will be looking at spending tens of thousands of dollars each year for many years. So while I do believe that God will provide everything we need to make this work, it’s still an issue that we need to be praying diligently about. Please pray that God will provide what we need – it might be through insurance reimbursement, TEIS, extra bonuses at work, tax refunds, or just dropping it out of the sky. We will take it no matter how He chooses to provide it!
Specific Money Issues –
If you want very specific details to pray for, here’s one. Our insurance company currently says they will pay for 60% of out-of-network providers (which is what we will be using) for speech, OT, and behavior therapy. That’s great news. However, they have a limit of 60 sessions per calendar year for speech and OT. Children with autism will burn through those 60 sessions in a couple months, especially the speech therapy. And for some reason, behavior therapy is only covered for children ages 3-13 (J is only 2). We are of course going to fight them on both of these issues. Chris feels pretty confident that he will succeed in getting these fully covered. He has lots of experience dealing with insurance companies, and he has told me not to worry about it. So I’m not going to worry about it. But I’m still going to pray. Please pray with me that our insurance will agree to cover 60% of ALL of J’s speech, OT, and behavior therapy, with no limits. We are also still hoping that TEIS will pitch in something, even though we will be using providers who they don’t contract with. I don’t know if this is a valid thing to hope for, but we can still pray!
New Baby –
Somewhere in the middle of all this chaos, there is a new baby boy waiting to be born. Please pray for him to be healthy and strong. Pray for the rest of this pregnancy to go smoothly, with no complications. Pray for me to be able to eat well and get enough rest, despite the stress in my life. There is another fear lingering in my mind that I am trying not to allow in right now. Boys are at least 4 times more likely to develop an Autism Spectrum Disorder than girls. Siblings of other children with ASD have anywhere from an 8-18% increased likelihood of the disorder. So there is definitely a genetic component. I cannot allow myself to dwell on this. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it yet. But as a mom, of course I have to admit that I’m afraid for my new baby boy. Please pray for him to have a healthy body and a healthy, bright mind that develops exactly the way it should. And pray for me to surrender this child to God’s sovereignty. There’s nothing else I can do, except worry, and what good does that do? Please pray for that fear not to be allowed to take root. Pray for peace, surrender, and a healthy baby.
Sweet Baby J –
There are a lot of details to pray through in this process, but my overarching prayer right now is for J to get better. He is exceptionally bright, we have no doubt about that. But there are parts of his brain that are not developing the way they should. I want my baby boy to be okay. I want him to improve and gain new skills quickly. I want him to catch up in his communication and social skills. I want him not to be diagnosed with autism. I want him to thrive and learn well in school. I want him to develop close, meaningful friendships, both as a child and an adult. I want him to grow up and experience intimacy in friendships, in family, and in marriage. I want his life to be filled with rich relationships. I want him to be able to pursue any dream that he wants to pursue. I want him to have no limitations placed on his ability to pursue those dreams. I want him to know that he is loved and valued, and I want him to love and value others in return. All of the other details involved in this decision-making process are all working towards this goal. This is my main prayer. Please pray with me for our little boy.
I mentioned earlier that I'm having a hard time praying through this process. I still am, but I'm okay with that. Thankfully, I read a book last year by Paul Miller called "A Praying Life" that has put my prayer dysfunction in to perspective. I've been flipping back through that book, and I'm amazed at how well it describes my broken prayer life right now. There are so many parts I could quote, but these particular words have stood out to me this week, encouraging me to continue coming to God, no matter how difficult it is, and no matter how bad I am at it:
"Jesus does not say, 'Come to me, all you who have learned how to concentrate in prayer, whose minds no longer wander, and I will give you rest.' No, Jesus opens his arms to his needy children and says, 'Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.' (Matt 11:28) The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.....
...Don't be embarrassed by how needy your heart is and how much it needs to cry out for grace. Just start praying." --- Paul Miller
Thank you to all of you who have been praying for and loving us. We are so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing community of friends!
No comments:
Post a Comment