Kids Counting

I did manage to get a video of J counting to 10. Then I had to compare it to the video of CB counting to 10 when she was about this age. It's so hilarious. Do you think these two kids are related?? They sound so much alike! CB's pronunciation is better, since J is just beginning to pick up on his speech skills, but their voices are so similar. Such little cutie pies!



And I'd say that's REALLY impressive for a kid who was only saying about 10 words total just 2 months ago! Way to go, Baby Boy!

Second Opinions

I’m beginning to realize how very fortunate we are to have such great medical care and resources. We were able to get J’s evaluation scheduled at Vanderbilt in just a matter of weeks by a Harvard-trained, Vanderbilt faculty member who specializes in autism. And we have the ability and opportunity to send J to a top of the line, comprehensive autism treatment center that’s located only 10 minutes from our house. AND on top of all that, we were given the chance to get a second opinion on J’s evaluation absolutely free of charge. We have a very proactive pediatrician who we’ve been with since CB was born, so we know her pretty well at this point. She told me a few weeks ago that she has a pediatrician friend here in town who has had extensive training in performing evaluations to identify children who are “at risk” for autism spectrum disorders. Our pediatrician wanted to be trained on how to do this evaluation, so she asked me if I would be willing to let her use J for her training. It would mean a free evaluation for J by her and this other pediatrician…essentially a second opinion on his skills and diagnosis status. How could I refuse an offer like that?

That evaluation happened this morning. I had been anxiously awaiting this day because I was curious to hear what this other doctor would think about J’s diagnosis status since he had begun therapy. We knew that 2 months ago he was definitely at risk for a spectrum disorder, but he’s been improving so quickly that I wasn’t sure where he would fall now. And since we have an appointment at The Gold Bar Center next week to discuss final details and sign the contract (if all the details work out), it was perfect timing to get some additional input on J’s therapy needs.

J did really well during his evaluation. He passed the skills test in all the areas I knew he was capable of passing. He showed his areas of vulnerability in all the areas I knew he was still vulnerable. I talked to the doctors about how quickly he has progressed and improved in so many areas, but that there are other areas that we are still concerned about (primarily social communication deficits). At the end of the evaluation, the doctor told me that J definitely does not yet meet the criteria for a spectrum disorder, but she thought he would be considered at risk. When she totaled up his scores, however, she said he actually falls just below the criteria for a diagnosis of “at-risk for an autism spectrum disorder.” So technically, at this point, he’s not even at risk! This is great news, because 2 months ago at his initial evaluation, he clearly met those criteria. She said that using her clinical judgment, she would recommend that we continue with aggressive intervention because he is obviously responding very well to it. She said several times that she’s extremely optimistic about his prognosis. She thinks that with continued aggressive intervention, it’s very possible that he will never end up with a diagnosis and may not have any long-term skill deficits. She said he is the perfect poster child for early intervention!

Obviously this was great news to hear. We were hoping this evaluation would give us more insight in to what our plan of action should be…before we make the huge commitment next week to The Gold Bar Center. I had a few minutes of second-guessing our decision (again). I mean, if he doesn’t even meet the criteria for “at-risk” for autism, does he really need the most aggressive (and expensive) intervention we can give him? Maybe just some home therapy will be enough. I expressed these concerns to the doctor, and she affirmed our earlier belief that you can’t really do TOO MUCH intervention at this point (unless it’s crazy, wacky, unscientific therapy….). So I came home and called Chris, and within 2 minutes of our conversation we were both back to the same decision. The Gold Bar Center it is. If J is improving so much this quickly, and if there’s a very good chance that he could avoid a diagnosis and have no long-term deficits or delays, then we want to do EVERYTHING we can do to make that happen, even if it’s more than he might actually need (although there’s no way to know for sure how much he actually needs just yet, so better to risk doing too much than too little). According to the doctor this morning and several other people I’ve talked to along this road, whether or not he meets the criteria for a diagnosis at this point is just semantics. He still has some skills that are not coming naturally to him, but he is learning them quickly with the appropriate training. So we’re going to continue training him by the best experts we can find. And we’re going to continue to hope and pray that he catches up in his skills and has no long-term delays or deficits. It was so nice to hear an expert in the field tell us this morning that our hope is not just naïve optimism, but that there is a very good possibility that this could happen!

So that’s our latest development, and by the end of next week the final details will hopefully be in place. If all goes according to plan, J will start at his new “school” in less than 2 weeks. Yikes!


Reading books...one of his favorite activities!



Here are a few of the new skills he’s picked up this past week:

- 2 word combinations….he has finally begun putting 2 words together very regularly. Bye Clara, Bye Dada, Hi Mama, All done fish (goldfish), More milk, Mama's shoes, More dog, Uh oh drink, Bye slide, No bath, etc. This is a big step, and I've watched his language skills just explode in the past week. He walks around the house just chattering away and narrating his day, so using language for labeling and social interaction, not just when he needs something. Hurray!
- ABC’s…apparently the child knows at least half of the ABC’s. Once we discovered that he did know a few of his letters (he just wasn’t saying them), we got out the ABC fridge magnet set and were surprised to discover how many of them he knew. I pulled out 4 new letters the other day, and within 2 minutes he knew all 4 of those as well. He can’t say them perfectly, but he knows them, and he’s capable of learning them very quickly. His memory is really pretty amazing – he just couldn’t tell us before how much he was remembering!
- Counting to 10….he started counting to 10 just a couple days ago. I guess it’s another one of those things that he knew in his head but couldn’t say until his language skills improved. Hearing him count to 10 is one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard. I need to get it on video soon because his little voice is so sweet!
- Shapes…he can say many of the shapes (circle, triangle, heart, star, etc). And he’s very good at sorting them and putting them where they go in the shape sorter or a puzzle. No luck with colors yet, but we’ll keep working on that.
- He actually told me the other day that he wanted his diaper changed. I had just changed it 15 minutes earlier, so I thought he was just babbling. But he walked to his changing table, signed and babbled diaper, and kept insisting, so I checked and sure enough…he had pottied. This may have been a fluke, but it was a start!
- He’s beginning to sing just a little bit. I asked him yesterday to help clean up his toys, so he started singing the clean up song (not quite getting the words right, but it was recognizable), and happily started picking up his toys. I wasn’t paying close attention and assumed he was putting them in the toy box. Then when I turned around, I noticed that he had dropped all his toys one by one in to the trash can. He was clapping and saying “Yay!” So proud of himself! I had fun digging every one of them out, also one by one :)

Skills we are still working on:

- Eye contact….it’s still inconsistent. He makes great eye contact when playing, but when he’s requesting that I do something, he throws things in my lap and won’t meet my eyes. He fixates on the object instead of engaging in social communication. He’s improving, but we’re still working on it.
- Following commands….still not doing it. He will pick up the letter H, put it in his fridge magnet player, and say H! But if I say, “J, where’s the H?” he either completely ignores me, or he says “No!” Not sure if that’s just being stubborn, or if it’s part of his communication disorder. Still working on it.
- Responding to his name…also inconsistent. Depends on what he’s doing and who’s calling him. Again, typical 2 year old stubborn behavior, or communication disorder?
- Social interaction…he does great and is very socially engaged with me, Chris, and CB. And he’s warmed up a lot to his speech therapist (probably because she has really cool toys!). But it’s still a struggle to get him to interact with other people. After a few minutes of warm-up time, he does much better. And he’s beginning to wave and say hi to random strangers, even children, so that’s a great sign. But he will still need lots of encouragement to help him learn how to interact appropriately with peers and adults and how to play with other kids. This is one of the many great benefits we think he will get at The Gold Bar Center – something we can’t really teach him at home.
- Repetitive/self-stimulatory behaviors…he still has a few of these. I’ve noticed that he tends to do this much more often when he’s distressed, upset, or stressed out. So he did this a few times this morning at the evaluation before he warmed up to the doctors. He also sometimes does it when he’s bored. But he’s usually fairly easy to redirect, so as long as I get down and start playing with him or trying to divert his attention, he will stop the behavior and begin playing appropriately. It just means I can’t let him play by himself for very long and that I need to be intentional about interacting with him, which is pretty exhausting for this very tired, pregnant mama!



Overall, we are thrilled with how quickly he’s progressing. It was so heartbreaking to watch his sweet little personality begin to disappear a few months ago. That was by far the saddest and hardest part of this journey…thinking that he was losing his personality and that we were in a way losing our little boy. But that personality is coming back so quickly. We are SO happy to be getting our sweet, fun, happy, snuggly, funny little boy back!

March Madness

I think we are finally at a point where our entire lives don't 100% revolve around J's therapy decisions. Maybe only 85%, but that's progress! We've had some beautiful weather this month (like 80 degrees...in March!), so we've been playing outside a lot. Last week CB brought home a baby tree from school for Arbor Day, so she and Chris planted it in the backyard where Peep, her favorite tree who was knocked over last April during a big storm, used to be. I tried to water it with the hose a few days later, and the kids decided it would be fun to run through the sprinkler fully clothed. Not exactly the activity I had planned for the afternoon, but they had fun:



Then late last week I got a new camera (hurray!!), which I'm super excited about. It was a business expense, and I already love how much better quality the pictures are. Over the weekend I began trying to figure out how it works (it's about 50,000 times more complicated than my Rebel...). The kids were dressed in their matching St. Patrick's Day shirts, which made me think it would be the perfect opportunity to practice using the new camera. Um, I was very wrong. Never try to use a new, complicated camera in an attempt to get a pictures of your TWO kids together. Bad idea. I couldn't maneuver the settings fast enough, and those little stinkers would NOT be still! This was the best I could get:



Last weekend Chris started building a sandbox underneath the kids' play set. We had been thinking about doing it for a while, and we decided that with the new baby due at the end of May, we would be spending a lot of time at home this summer, so the kids needed some backyard activities. Here they are enjoying their new fun play place:



J still loves the swings the best, but CB is all about the sand...





And one final picture. I've been playing around a lot with the new camera, and I love love love it! Here's little J getting out of bed this morning. Super sweet camera, super sweet boy!

New Skills

Warning: This post has a lot of details about J's new skills, so it's mostly for me to remember his progress, and for friends or family who really want to keep up with how he's doing. Feel free to skim through it, or just watch the video at the end to see some of his new skills in action!

I’m amazed at how quickly J is picking up new skills, even without much formal therapy yet. He is getting speech therapy twice a week already, and his language skills are improving by leaps and bounds. At 18 months, J’s language skills were right on target. Somewhere between 19 and 23 months, he began to lose skills dramatically. When we had him evaluated at 23 months, his language skills were in the 11-14 month range, so a significant drop from where he had been. Over the past 2 months, we’ve been working with him the best we can, and he started speech therapy about a month ago. Since then, his skills have skyrocketed. At this point he’s definitely back to where he was at 18 months, and possibly a little further. He’s learning new words every day, and he is almost at the point of combining two words. The other day, as we were leaving home to pick CB up from school, J said “Bye home!” And when the speech therapist was putting away her toys last week (which included a dog that jumps and does tricks), J said “Bye dog!” I know that doesn’t seem like much to brag about for a 2-year old, since most 18 month olds can do that. But the thing is, my kid couldn’t do it, and he should have been able to. But now he can! So we’re celebrating this small step, and we’re excited to see how it leads to more small steps.

I think his speech will continue to improve quickly, and before long I would guess that he will no longer qualify for a speech delay. But the speech therapist has made us aware of the difference between a speech delay and a communication disorder. Even though J is learning new words and catching up in his speech skills, he still has some disordered communication. Much of that also involves disordered social skills. For example, until recently when he wanted me to do something, like blow bubbles, he would bring the object to me and drop it in my lap or shove it in to my legs, without looking at me, addressing me, or making eye contact. We worked with him until he learned to say “more.” That should have been something he learned on his own, but he didn’t. But with just a little bit of training, he learned to sign and say “more” when he was ready for more bubbles. That was the first step. The speech therapist taught me next how to use the expectant pause, which made J take the first step in initiating social contact. So after he would say “more,” I would wait quietly, and eventually he would look at my eyes, then say “more” again. Once he mastered that skill (eye contact), we stepped up the expectation. Now when he wants me to blow more bubbles, he says “more,” looks me in the eye, then says “Ready, set, go!” I wait and won’t blow the bubbles until he’s given me sufficient eye contact. That way we’re teaching him the social component of communication – that it’s not all about the object, but about the person you’re interacting with. It seems like such a small thing, especially for a 2-year old. But it can develop in to a much larger social/communication problem later in life. Right now, however, he can still be easily taught these skills before they become habits and develop in to bigger problems.

Here are a few of the other new skills he’s picking up:

Addressing the person he’s talking to: We’re teaching him how to say someone’s name when he’s trying to get their attention, instead of just yelling or dropping objects in our lap. So when he wants help with a toy, he says “Help” over and over. I repeat “Mama, help. Mama, help.” Just this weekend for the first time he said “Dada, help” to Chris. And yesterday he brought me a toy from the playroom, the whole time repeating “Mama, help. Mama, help.” I even heard him calling out “Mama” yesterday when he found the gate to the stairs open and wanted me to come upstairs with him. He had never called for me before using my name (he usually just yells and babbles). Again, this seems like a small thing, but it’s actually huge. It’s reinforcing the role of relationships and communication with an actual person. That’s an important social skill!

Pretend play: He’s still not super imaginative and in to pretend play, but he’s picking up on it a little bit. He will feed his little toy Dora or Elmo some Cheerios, or give them a drink from a cup. He’ll push them down his toy slide and say “Wheeee!” He’ll put Elmo on the bus and say “Bye!” He’ll roll a car and say “Vroom, vroom!”  And he’s started picking up any object that looks even remotely like an airplane, flying it through the air, and saying “Airplane! Vrooooom!” He also loves to hug stuffed animals or even pictures of animals in a book.  He pets them and pretends to “talk” to them in animal language, barking like a dog or meowing like a cat. He’s making great progress in the area of imaginative play, even though it hasn’t come naturally to him.

He’s also surprising us with how much he actually knows that we just didn’t realize since he wasn’t talking much. For example, he knows quite a few of his letters. We just didn’t know it because he never said them. But suddenly he has started pointing at a letter and saying “E!” or “O!” or “B!” We didn’t even know he knew those! He’s started counting to 3. And now he can make almost all the animal sounds. It was so strange to have a child who wouldn’t make animal sounds, but in just a couple weeks he’s gone from only making the dog and lion sounds to making almost all the animal sounds – cow, monkey, pig, horse, duck, sheep, lion, etc. He’s picked them up really quickly. I think he probably knew them before, but just wasn’t saying them. As his speech skills have picked up, he’s showing us all kinds of things that he actually knew in his brain but wouldn’t say before.

He’s doing great with puzzles and shape sorter toys. He had never shown any interest before in his shape sorter. Then about a week and a half ago he decided to give it a try. Within a few days he could do the whole thing by himself. He picks up a shape, says “Circle” or “Star” or something not quite intelligible that sounds remotely like “Triangle.” Then he looks for the right hole to put it in. If he can’t find it, he says “Turn it around,” then turns the shape sorter till he finds the right side and puts the shape in the hole. No problem.  And he’s great at matching objects. If he sees a picture in a book that is also on the cover or the back of the book, he turns the book over till he finds the matching picture, then points to it. He has a great memory for where things are, and he has very good matching and sorting skills. There is a lot going on in that brain of his – he just hasn’t known how to communicate it before now.

There are still many skills we need to work on. He loves to flip through books and has started pointing to pictures in the book (with his index finger!) and naming them, which is great. But he still will rarely do it on command. He doesn't follow commands well at all, even when it's something that we know he can do. And we still have difficulty diverting his attention...getting him to follow our point or gaze. And of course there are still the repetitive, self-stimulatory behaviors, as well as some socially inappropriate behaviors around strangers or anyone outside his family. But that's what all this therapy is for! He has improved so much already, especially in his communication skills. We're really hopeful that once we get some behavior therapy in place, those skills will improve just as quickly. Through it all, he really is just about the sweetest baby in the world. He's so snuggly and affectionate, and he has such an easy-going, laid back temperament. It sounds crazy since he needs so much therapy and intervention, but he is by far my easiest child (so far...)!

Here he is this morning at breakfast about to feed Dora some Cheerios:

He thought it was so funny when Dora said "Mmmmmm, yum!" He cracked himself up!



Here's a video of him showing off some of his new skills. He makes great eye contact, and says "Ready, Set, Go!" which is about the cutest thing ever. I think it's common for people to imagine a child with autism (or suspected autism) as being completely anti-social and non-communicative, but J is actually very socially engaged and lots of fun. If you didn't know what was going on and didn't look closely, you probably would never suspect there was a problem. Plus he's just super darn cute!

And We Have A Decision!

Alright. So. We’ve made a decision. J had his Child Observation Visit at the Gold Bar Center on Friday afternoon (that's not really what it's called, of course, but for security reasons that's what I'm calling it for now). It was the first time Chris had gotten to visit the center and meet the staff. We met all of the therapists and talked at length with the behavior therapist.  The therapists all spent some time observing J, playing with him, getting a feel for his strengths and skill level.  Afterward they shared their observations and thoughts with us and gave us a chance to ask all of our questions (which were MANY). Our primary question was whether or not J would really benefit from all the services they offer. The OT felt that his motor skills are fine (which we agree with), but that there may be some sensory issues that could be contributing to his repetitive, self-stimulatory behaviors. The speech therapist definitely agreed that he could benefit from intensive speech therapy. And the behavior therapist said she could focus on the repetitive behaviors, as well as addressing his compliance skills. And they will all work together to target his social skills. He won’t be allowed to play by himself in the corner, like he does at his current Mother’s Day Out program. They will intentionally work to involve him in social play, both with adults and with peers. They also have typically developing children in the program who will be able to model appropriate social skills and will be encouraged to play and interact with J regularly. So he will have his speech, behavior, social, and even OT needs addressed constantly while he’s there. Every minute of his time there will be spent working on goals to increase his skills, although to J, it will all seem like fun play. But unknown to him, the therapists and staff will be working together - even in the same room, communicating with each other, very intentionally interacting with him to teach him the skills that he needs to succeed.

When we came home from the visit, Chris asked, “So, what do you think?” I said, “What do YOU think?” He answered, “I asked you first.” I said, “I already know what I think, but this was your first impression. I want to hear what you thought of it.” He confidently said, “I like it a lot. I think we should do it.” And I said, “Me too.” So that’s it. Here we go. This week I will fill out the application, which involves gathering all his medical information and practically our entire life history. The director will draw up the contract, which Chris will intricately review to the very last detail. If all goes well and there are no major roadblocks, we will take a big gulp, sign away our life savings, and enroll him at the Gold Bar Center. He will probably be able to start within a few weeks, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

Whew. It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, but Chris and I both feel like it’s the right decision. We feel like we won’t regret it. If, a year from now, we look back and realize that we were too aggressive, that we did too much, paid more money than we needed to, and gave him more therapy than he really required, we will still be glad we did it, and we won’t begrudge the money we spent. If, on the other hand, we didn’t do everything we could, then looked back and realized we should have done more when he was at his most teachable phase of brain development, we will regret that forever. But we will never regret giving everything we’ve got to give our son the best chance we can give him at life. Never. 

It will be a tough year financially, and we’re in the process now of figuring out what to cut from our budget and filing appeals with our insurance company for services they are currently denying. But in the end, we will be fine. We will recover financially. Chris and I have both chosen careers with great job availability and adequate income potential (I may not be working now, but I’m a weight loss nutritionist living in the South. There will ALWAYS be a need for my services should I decide to go back to work!). We’ve been blessed in ways that so many other families haven’t, and it makes me sad for those parents who want to do the best they can for their kids, but can’t afford it. But for now, we’re just thankful that we can do this for our little boy. And we’re praying that he will fly through this program and completely catch up in his skills. That would be worth every penny we’re about to spend.

So while I’m not super excited about embracing life on a very strict budget (again!), I AM very excited about the potential for growth and development that J is going to have at this new center. I can’t wait to watch my little boy learn new things every day and to see his little personality develop and bloom. We’re very excited about this decision, and we feel at peace about it. The next step is to pray for the details to come together, since there are many, many details to work through in the next week or two. One day at a time, one step at a time…

And now does anyone want to teach me how that extreme couponing system works? Or how to highlight my own hair at home instead of at the salon?? Or temporarily donate a crib to New Baby so we don't have to buy a second one??? Ah, details. This will be fun!

And just for the fun of it, here are some quick shots of our little cutie pie enjoying his birthday cake last month:






Mmmmmm.....cake!

Spring Photo Sessions

This blog is not really intended to be a place to advertise for my photography business, but this spring I will only be doing a few photography sessions (I'm very, very pregnant, and if you've been reading this blog, you know that our lives are more than a little bit crazy right now!). Since some of my friends aren't on Facebook, I'm sharing the info about mini-sessions here. These may fill up quickly, so let me know as soon as possible if you're interested. And if the slots fill up quickly, I may open an additional date for more mini-sessions, but they will be first-come, first-serve, so let me know soon. Full sessions and studio sessions are also available on a limited basis. See my photography website for more details (http://www.photosbytiana.com/). It will be a crazy, busy spring!!

Specific Prayer Requests

Many of you have asked for specific ways you can be praying for J and our family right now. We appreciate that so much. We need those prayers, and here are some specific areas where we could especially use it:

Decisions –

As I’ve said before, there are many big decisions to make in this process. We feel like we are very close to making a decision, but we felt that way a few days ago, and we have since changed our minds. We’ve gone back and forth several times, which is confusing and unsettling. I really believe that once we’ve made a decision and are moving forward with a plan, I will feel much more at peace. But for now, the anxiety of having to make such a huge decision in a short amount of time is tough to deal with. So please pray for doors to open or close in very obvious ways so that the path ahead will be clear. We want to get going with J’s therapy as soon as possible, but we also want to be sure we’re making the best choice. Prayers for clarity and wisdom would be great!

Unity for Chris and me –

My beautiful friend Shannon was the first person to tell me that she had been specifically praying for unity between Chris and me as we make these decisions. I remember thinking, “What a great thing to pray for!” And thankfully, so far that prayer is being answered. Chris and I have been on the same page every step of the way, and I’m only beginning to realize what a gift that is. This decision would be so much harder if my husband wanted to take a more cautious, wait-and-see approach to J’s therapy. Or if he were overly concerned about the expense involved and wanted to try less intensive therapies that didn’t cost as much. But that hasn’t been the case at all. I have agreed with every argument he makes for pursuing a certain course of action (and that’s not because I’m a naturally submissive, agreeable wife!). In fact, several days ago we had both agreed on giving the home therapy route a try for 8 weeks, thinking that after 8 weeks we could always change our minds and increase the intensity, or enroll him in the Gold Bar Center. Then the other day, I had been talking to therapists, doctors, directors, etc, and doing more research. By the end of the day I was really beginning to feel like the Gold Bar Center was the right choice. When Chris came home that evening, he said “I don’t want to stress you out, but I need to tell you that I think I’m changing my mind back to the Gold Bar Center.” I said “Me too!!” So we had both independently come to that conclusion for the same reasons. I’m really thankful that we see things eye-to-eye and that we work well together in making decisions. Please pray that we will continue to work together, that we will have unity in this decision making process, and that we will not take the stress and anxiety of this process out on each other (although I admit, I’m the one most likely to do that….). I am very thankful that Chris is the one walking beside me on this journey. There is no one else in the world that I would rather have beside me right now. Please pray that we would continue in this unity.

Money –

I really am trying not to worry about the money. I really am. But the amount of money we’re looking at for one year of therapy is roughly equivalent to the cost of college tuition. PRIVATE college tuition. We’ve been out of residency for less than 3 years, and we’re just beginning to get on our feet financially.  It wouldn’t worry me so much if we were only looking at one year of expenses. But the reality is that autism is an on-going disorder. This first year will likely be our most expensive year, since we’re hoping that he will respond well to the intensive intervention and not need such aggressive therapy the following year. But that might not be the case. And even if we scale back the therapy next year, it will still be very expensive. If he ends up with this diagnosis, we will be looking at spending tens of thousands of dollars each year for many years. So while I do believe that God will provide everything we need to make this work, it’s still an issue that we need to be praying diligently about. Please pray that God will provide what we need – it might be through insurance reimbursement, TEIS, extra bonuses at work, tax refunds, or just dropping it out of the sky. We will take it no matter how He chooses to provide it!

Specific Money Issues –

If you want very specific details to pray for, here’s one. Our insurance company currently says they will pay for 60% of out-of-network providers (which is what we will be using) for speech, OT, and behavior therapy. That’s great news. However, they have a limit of 60 sessions per calendar year for speech and OT. Children with autism will burn through those 60 sessions in a couple months, especially the speech therapy. And for some reason, behavior therapy is only covered for children ages 3-13 (J is only 2). We are of course going to fight them on both of these issues. Chris feels pretty confident that he will succeed in getting these fully covered. He has lots of experience dealing with insurance companies, and he has told me not to worry about it. So I’m not going to worry about it. But I’m still going to pray. Please pray with me that our insurance will agree to cover 60% of ALL of J’s speech, OT, and behavior therapy, with no limits. We are also still hoping that TEIS will pitch in something, even though we will be using providers who they don’t contract with. I don’t know if this is a valid thing to hope for, but we can still pray!

New Baby –

Somewhere in the middle of all this chaos, there is a new baby boy waiting to be born. Please pray for him to be healthy and strong. Pray for the rest of this pregnancy to go smoothly, with no complications. Pray for me to be able to eat well and get enough rest, despite the stress in my life. There is another fear lingering in my mind that I am trying not to allow in right now. Boys are at least 4 times more likely to develop an Autism Spectrum Disorder than girls. Siblings of other children with ASD have anywhere from an 8-18% increased likelihood of the disorder.  So there is definitely a genetic component. I cannot allow myself to dwell on this. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it yet. But as a mom, of course I have to admit that I’m afraid for my new baby boy. Please pray for him to have a healthy body and a healthy, bright mind that develops exactly the way it should. And pray for me to surrender this child to God’s sovereignty.  There’s nothing else I can do, except worry, and what good does that do? Please pray for that fear not to be allowed to take root. Pray for peace, surrender, and a healthy baby.

Sweet Baby J –

There are a lot of details to pray through in this process, but my overarching prayer right now is for J to get better. He is exceptionally bright, we have no doubt about that. But there are parts of his brain that are not developing the way they should. I want my baby boy to be okay. I want him to improve and gain new skills quickly. I want him to catch up in his communication and social skills. I want him not to be diagnosed with autism. I want him to thrive and learn well in school. I want him to develop close, meaningful friendships, both as a child and an adult. I want him to grow up and experience intimacy in friendships, in family, and in marriage. I want his life to be filled with rich relationships.  I want him to be able to pursue any dream that he wants to pursue. I want him to have no limitations placed on his ability to pursue those dreams. I want him to know that he is loved and valued, and I want him to love and value others in return. All of the other details involved in this decision-making process are all working towards this goal. This is my main prayer. Please pray with me for our little boy. 

I mentioned earlier that I'm having a hard time praying through this process. I still am, but I'm okay with that. Thankfully, I read a book last year by Paul Miller called "A Praying Life" that has put my prayer dysfunction in to perspective. I've been flipping back through that book, and I'm amazed at how well it describes my broken prayer life right now. There are so many parts I could quote, but these particular words have stood out to me this week, encouraging me to continue coming to God, no matter how difficult it is, and no matter how bad I am at it:

"Jesus does not say, 'Come to me, all you who have learned how to concentrate in prayer, whose minds no longer wander, and I will give you rest.' No, Jesus opens his arms to his needy children and says, 'Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.' (Matt 11:28) The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.....

...Don't be embarrassed by how needy your heart is and how much it needs to cry out for grace. Just start praying." --- Paul Miller

Thank you to all of you who have been praying for and loving us. We are so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing community of friends!